Friday, June 27, 2014

'GRAND-MA'STI

            It’s going to be college life in another 3 days. Though I am going to miss mom at least for the delicious food she serves and dad for offering his Splendor+ to me without any questions, I just try to maintain at home that I am very much eager to go back there and enjoy. Of course, life would be fun out there too, yet being with mom and dad can never be compensated. Feelings for parents are common to almost all children. But, there is another female whom I would miss terribly at college. (No, not my GF; Of course, miss her, too. But, not to be elaborated here.) My GRANDMA… Having a 60+ person at our homes always adds to the spectrum of jubilancy and to add more, if he/she can bear and comprehend our emotions, it is nothing other than bliss.

            The only human to whom I can express whatever I feel like, other than my friends, is surely my grandma. OK, there are parents, but you can’t share everything with them openly. (I bet mom’s going to be angry on seeing this statement. “Bloody rascal, I am your mom and you can’t share everything with me; no dosas for you tonight. Get lost!!!”) Grandma is the mom of neither of my parents; she is dad’s aunt (grandpa’s sister). She has so many distinctions, with the chief one being her called, ‘paatti’ throughout the locality. (Mostly, people here are mentioned through some pseudonyms. For example, I am called Raghu’s son and mom is mentioned as Giri’s mom)

            Being on cloud nine or at crossroads always finds spontaneous impact on grandma. I have the freedom to shout in any language at her, as she can’t hear everything. (No offense) Poor woman!!! She is mostly neutral towards happiness and sorrow. She never senses ecstasy during my joyful moments and embarrassment when I am at bay. But, I hope this post doesn’t affect our deal of getting my allowance while going to college.

            She is the alter ego of an infant, who doesn’t have any specifications or responsibilities. Oh sorry, by the way, she has some duties which she would never fail to perform on time. These include: Locking up every opening in the house right from doors to windows (Thank God, ventilation is located at some 15 feet. Else, imagine the disaster) instantly after mom and dad leave in the morning, drinking tea sharp at 3:00 PM even if she doesn’t feel like drinking for the mere reason maid would arrive shortly then and the vessels have to be handed over to her for washing, switching on and off the motor et al. There are strict timings followed by her. Whenever the tank overflows, she’d swear that it had run for 30 minutes (!!!). This went to the extent of sheer ‘brilliance and intellectuality’ one day.

            Mom substituted grandma; the regular running time of the motor was over with the tank being full. Grandma, without knowing this, (since she can’t hear the sound of motor) switched it on and within 2 minutes, it was overflowing. When dad was about to scold her, she simply said, “What a surprise! 30 minutes had gone by so quickly.” Innocent soul!! I always love her for this kind of being child-like (not childish)

            Though she doesn’t like to sit before television set for a long time, she never lets single news go out of her reach, courtesy her habit of reading newspapers. She has everything in fingertips from Narendra Modi to Lalit Modi, knows the difference between Osama and Obama and was worried about the postponement in the release of Kochadaiyaan. Since there are about two entire pages in the dailies allotted for murders, chain snatches, robberies and rapes, she has developed a protective attitude. She would never open the gates unless a familiar face is seen. There are always funny effects to her activities. This was no different; there were some problems with our landline connection and we had informed the technical people about the problem. They had stated the previous day that lineman would come to rectify the faults the next morning.

            As mom was busy in the morning, she forgot to inform grandma about the coming of lineman. That fellow faced the anger of grandma that day. As I had gone to play, there was no one to detail the issue to her. So, when he introduced himself and asked her to open the gates so he can check the condition of the phone, she just refused stubbornly and said, “You stupid! People in this house are employed and educated and they know how to repair and rectify stuff. You are a fraud. Get lost before I call someone, now.” He must have had a heart attack by then. A call to mom’s mobile that evening informed her that customers had to face legal action on account of a false complaint. Finally, dad got into the act and somehow managed the situation. We all have the effect of watching Sivakarthikeyan’s counters when discussing about this even today.

            Grandma never understands the concept of inverter. She usually sleeps at hall but after the incorporation of inverter in our residence, grandma performed a lifetime comedy. She began sleeping at a separate room, which while construction, had been termed, dining room. When we asked her about this, she replied, “I can’t sleep without fans, you know. The fan at hall runs during power-cut. So, it is obvious that it won’t run when power is available. How can I sleep then? I would be sweating profusely” and expressed a Neil Armstrong kind of smile, beaming with pride.

            Grandma is one of the beneficiaries of the Old Age Pension (OAP) scheme. The amount has been steadily increasing with my age and recently it touched the least four digit number. Nowadays, these pensions are credited directly to bank accounts but previously, postmasters used to deliver them. There is one man who has been allotted our area. It happened that when each time he delivered her pension, she would give him Rs.20 (or, rather, he rightfully asked for it). When I was enjoying my +2 vacation, the postman came to deliver her pension for the month of May. I was shocked on noticing her giving Rs.50 to him. When I scolded her being ‘insane’, she uttered, “Why do you call me insane? You are actually a fool. Don’t you see that my pension amount has had a hike? Isn’t it fair to give him more?” I explained her for about 20 – 30 minutes, detailing that it was the government that gave her pension and not that man in khaki. Of course, he is a government servant but that doesn’t mean he should be rewarded proportionally with the amount. She didn’t budge at all and eventually, I got the feel, “Maybe, she’s right. What’s wrong in it?” (!!!)

            Grandma never needs a clock to know the time. (She doesn’t want the help of the sun, too) When mom and dad leave for work, it is always 10:00 AM for her (though they take leave early sometimes owing to meetings), 3:00 PM when maid arrives, 6:00 PM whenever I return from play. Several attempts to transform her have gone in vain. So ultimately, we’ve learnt to accustom ourselves to her.

            There have been several funny and hilarious moments with my buddies, parents and relatives. But, my first and best friend always remains to be the same in spite of machans and maplas. Love you, GRANDMA!!!