KP IS GONE???

(Disclaimer: This is just an imaginary spoof intended only for pun and fun. Don’t take it seriously. There is no political, social and national conflict of interest involved in this post)

          Kevin Pietersen, arguably one of the legends of English cricket, has been shown the way out by Andrew Strauss, the Director of the England Cricket Board, following which there have been elaborate talks on him playing for Sunrisers Hyderabad in IPL 2015. However, he hasn’t come to India owing to an injury. This is just a creativity of the various reactions in India had KP come here.

Narendra Modi: “This is the moment the whole of India can feel proud of. I have always been advising leaders all over the world to Make In India. Now that Kevin Pietersen’s career is evidently over in England, I would want him to Make His Career in India. Since the color of the SRH jersey almost resembles Saffron, he will perfectly fit in.”

Rahul Gandhi: “This is a welcome decision by Kevin Pietersen. After all, my mother, who has her roots in Italy, was ruling India indirectly through a puppet. If someone of foreign nationality can rise to rule India, there is no point arguing that an England player cannot represent India. I sincerely hope KP will wear Indian uniform soon.”

Director K. S. Ravikumar: “Don’t worry, Kevin! See my movies, Padayappa, Muthu and Lingaa. In all the three, the protagonist would be thrown away from his house after which he would transcend in life in no time. At last, the family would reunite with a positive ending. Take Thalaivar Rajnikanth as an example. If you want more inspiration, I am ready to direct a movie starring you. You can get the feel comfortably.”

T. Rajendar: “Dei, Kevin Pietersen-u,

                          Adichiye neraya run-u;

                          Adha paakalaye Strauss kannu,

                          Nalla vaanguniya bun-u!

                          Hey dandanakka; hey danakkunakka!!

                          Un career ippo done-u,

                           But venaam tension-u;

                          Life is full of fun-u,

                          Enjoy pannu my son-u!

                          Hey dandanakka; hey danakkunakka!!”

DMK Activists: “We strongly have a doubt that Kevin Pietersen may be a Dravidian by nature. First of all, his name ends with SUN, which is our party logo. Secondly, he is playing for Sunrisers, which is also owned by the Sun Network. All these create skepticism that he may be a Thamizhan. We are researching ancient Tamil literature to find out if there is any mention of the character Kevin, in any of the epics.”

Ravi Shastri: “Oh, there comes KP in a flight to Hyderabad like a Tracer Bullet!! This is really a stunning performance by him, probably one of the best strategies in the cricketing history!”

(P.S.: People who have heard his commentaries will understand this better)

Vijay TV Gopinath: The next episode in Neeyaa Naanaa would be on Kevin Pietersen. We would be discussing everything other than his exile from England cricket as it has become the tradition in most of our episodes. KP will be called in as the Chief Guest but he wouldn’t be allowed to express his opinions freely as I am the one who is going to speak most of the time. Tune in Vijay TV for latest updates on the date and time of the episode!

A Female Fan: Ooooo, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! I just want to spot him at least once. I’m glad that he has been turned down by the Australian Board (!!) [When mentioned that he is from England] Oh, is it? But still, I just wanna marry him!!

(The problem with some of the female fans (not all) is that they want to marry all handsome male cricketers, without even knowing from which team they are)

Kamalhassan: “I don’t say God isn’t there. But, the present condition of Kevin shows that God is not there, maybe. However, since his future with IPL is secure, I would say there is GOD. Finally, it all matters about Manidham (Humanity) and not Naathigam (Atheism) or Aathigam (Theism).”

A Normal CEGian: “What the fuck? KP is gone? How can that ever happen? Oh, how many good moments I had spent with my girlfriend with cold coffee and cheese sandwich! [When told KP is not the Knowledge Park in CEG campus but Kevin Pietersen of England, he scares me with his look] Who cares?”

{Note: I reiterate that this post has no connection with any political party. And, I am not a male chauvinist. The female fan part is included as a result of numerous girls (and ladies) showing boards, stating “
I want to marry you”, followed by the name of some player}